Blessings and Love: A Reflection On Angels Among Us....

 And thus we rust Life's iron chain

Degraded and alone:

And some men curse, and some men weep,

And some men make no moan:

But God's eternal Laws are kind

And break the heart of stone.

...

How else but through a broken heart

May Lord Christ enter in?

- Oscar Wilde, The Ballad of Reading Gaol

 

 

Recently, my dear friend Joanie Collyer passed away after a courageous battle with cancer.  And with her went a little piece of my heart, for, to me, in the five years that I knew her she was tangible proof of God's Grace, a true Angel Among Us.  It wasn't just that Joanie was kind and thoughtful with a wry sense of humor and a heart "as big as the sea" (to quote a song of this Advent season), but also that she was so influential in her completely understated way.  In sum, Joanie taught me that the quietest person in the room can often be the most influential and that one can lead from the background in a very powerful way.

 

And power isn't a concept that one would normally associate with a diminutive 'little old lady' who stood just over five feet.  No, her physical presence was anything but powerful, initially and overtly at least.  But if you ever got to know Joanie, you'd realize just how powerful a person she truly was ... and is.

 

First and foremost, Joanie was a person of great faith.  Both in her professional life - a large portion of which was dedicated to creating opportunities for others to explore and expand their faith - and in her personal one, she was devout.  And yet she was also open: whatever she may have believed herself - and now, upon reflection, I struggle to summarize just what this may have been - it was clear that she was completely dedicated, in her inimitable, understated way, to helping others come to know the Divine in ways that are meaningful to them.

 

Perhaps what captures this best is that Joanie started a revolution.  A small one, perhaps, but a revolution all the same, one that has resulted in the spiritual enrichment of hundreds of people in the past five years.

 

For three decades or so, Joanie worked on the staff at Marble Collegiate Church, a deservedly revered and venerated institution in New York City.  During this time, she excelled at responding to the needs of that congregation by playing a vital role in developing opportunities for that church's parishioners to explore their faith.  And then she came to our church, St. Luke's Episcopal in Montclair, New Jersey, and this is where, quietly as ever, she started the revolution.

 

It all began innocently enough with her planting a seed in our esteemed Rector's fertile mind about the kind of spiritual exploration and enhancement opportunities that Marble was providing to its members.  As St. Luke's has grown under Rev. John Mennell's leadership, so, too, has the interest in and need for more opportunities for the members of our parish and the broader community to cultivate their sense of the Transcendent in their daily, earthly lives.  Joanie suggested that he have members of St. Luke's check out what Marble was doing as they began to address our church's own needs in an expanded and enhanced way.  And that's how our now thriving Spiritual Enrichment effort was born....

 

Little did I know that November day so many years ago that I would be starting a new and deeply meaningful chapter in my life.  I just thought that I'd be checking out an interesting program at Marble and then contributing to the dialogue about what we could do in a similar vein at our church.  It turned out that this was the beginning of a powerful experience of spiritual renewal and expansion for me personally and of a similar revolution at St. Luke's.

 

Joining me at this gathering were two fellow parishioners and church Vestry members, one whom I'd known for years but not that well and another who had joined relatively recently.  Although we didn't realize it at the time, we were, along with our beloved Joanie, the founding members of our church's Spiritual Enrichment Team, most often known by its acronym, SET.

 

What transpired at Marble that evening was truly uplifting and inspiring, as, among other opportunities, we were exposed to and engaged by the work of Rev. Ron Farr and participated in various spiritual exploration exercises in which we were encouraged to get to know other participants, most of whom were members but a meaningful number of whom were visitors like us.  In sum, what my fellow Vestry members and I realized that night was how a thoughtfully constructed and well-executed slate of spiritually-infused programming - in effect, a spiritual 'adult education' effort - could create a powerfully energizing and enriching sense of community among its participants, including both fellow parishioners and members of the broader community.  (In fact, one of my greatest surprises and delights about the experience that night was how welcomed we were made to feel and how the leaders of the various exercises encouraged us to participate just as meaningfully as their fellow Marble members.  In that sacred place and space, there was no "Other," only friends and friends we've just met.)

 

I left Marble that night not only nourished in a way that I'd never previously experienced but also completely committed to helping create a similar effort and opportunity at St. Luke's.  Simply put, though I didn't yet comprehend it fully, in a matter of hours I had become a motivated member of the revolution that Joanie Collyer had started....

 

When we first met, the inaugural members of SET were the three Vestry members who had attended the program at Marble and the diminutive Anglican lady who'd initiated it all.  Truth be told, I had an idea who Joanie was, but it wasn't until that first organizing meeting that I came to know her in any meaningful way.

 

And in the series of a half-dozen meetings or so that resulted in the creation and debut of our initial Spiritual Enrichment effort at St. Luke's, Joanie was a contributor but a seemingly quiet and almost reticent one.  (What I didn't realize at the time was the mark of a true leader: she was just staying in the background until needed, and, over the next few years, would step forward to take a more overt and active leadership role whenever the situation required it.)  What was clear from the very beginning of our efforts was her fierce belief in the power of what we were doing, creating opportunities for others to cultivate their sense of God and His/Her/Its Grace in our daily lives.

 

And that's also something that I came to appreciate about Joanie as I got to know her better: though she was petite and quiet, she was indeed fierce.

 

And kind:

 

As SET was developing its inaugural slate of programming and envisioning how to bring a greater experience of heaven on earth to our church and our community, personally, I was going through hell as I was in the midst of a bitter and protracted divorce and an accompanying (and enervating) slump professionally.  In truth, it was the lowest and most challenging point of my adult life.  Yet, thankfully, as the members of SET worked more closely together and became true friends, we also supported each other as well.  While I was dealing with my exhaustive and exhausting travails, another member was supporting her husband of five decades who was experiencing some major health challenges and a third was just beginning to get a sense of what turned out to be her own life-endangering health challenges to come.  In sum, we were all wounded spiritual seekers and 'warriors,' intent on creating something beautiful and meaningful for our church and the broader community despite the hardships that affected us.  And quietly and constantly, Joanie was our rock....

 

Proactively so, it turns out:  At one particularly challenging point - during Hurricane Sandy when the power and heat in my home were knocked out for two weeks during the beginning of winter - Joanie took me aside and asked me how I was holding up.  Reflexively, I told her that I was fine, but she pressed on in her quiet but firm way.  No, really, she insisted, how was I doing?  The truth was not well at all: although I was putting on a brave face for my children, family members and friends, the reality was that I was besieged and near the end of my tether emotionally, physically and financially.  And Joanie was there, listening compassionately and patiently as my woes gushed out of me involuntarily yet cathartically.  When I was done I was exhausted and thanked her for being so patient and supportive and then apologized for saddling her with my burdens.  She dismissed this kindly and took hold of my hand, prayed with and for me and then put something in it: a small wad of bills amounting to a couple hundred dollars.  Overcome by her kindness but proud to a fault, when I objected, she shushed me and insisted that I accept her gift, so I did....

 

Yes, it felt good to release my burdens, but, truth be told, it felt even better to know that, by her proactively caring presence, it was clear that Joanie was a source of compassion and strength upon which I could draw during that very dark time.  And so I did: every few weeks she would check in with me and inquire as to how I was really doing ... and every few weeks I would let down my guard and share this with her.  Things eventually improved for me to the point where I could repay her monetary kindness, but, politely yet firmly, she refused.  What I realized then and appreciate now was that my experience with Joanie was a true expression of who she was and is: an Angel Among Us, tangible proof of God's Grace in our daily life.

 

And while our Spiritual Enrichment effort debuted to rave reviews and then was renewed and expanded in subsequent years, Joanie was the quiet yet consistently energizing presence at its core.  And when members of SET had to change or scale back their involvement for periods of time, Joanie invariably stepped up and in and became the coordinator and logistical leader of our efforts.

 

And then her own health challenges began.  Truth be told, Joanie was proud, too: she didn't disclose her true situation to us for some time.  Yes, her work with SET energized her in ways that helped her deal with the physical and emotional demands of chemotherapy, but she really didn't tell us the full extent of her challenges because she didn't want us to worry.  Each of her fellow SET members was either still contending with his or her own challenges or trying to start a new, more positive chapter in life, so Joanie insisted that we focus on this and not her.  I realize now that I should have been more like her and insisted that she allow me/us to support her as proactively and meaningfully as she had done for me/us over the years.

 

She did let us in a bit, but mostly she soldiered on valiantly while thanking us for our concern but insisting that we go on about our lives: about as much as she would let me do was to pray for her on a regular basis.  In fact, while she was in the midst of excruciating rounds of chemotherapy, she was equally fierce in performing her SET duties.  And over time as it became clear that her personal battle would be a losing one, she was nonetheless conscientious and committed.

 

But the toll that it was taking was evident, both in her physical appearance and in her emotional aura.  In good health, Joanie, in her invariably understated way, would radiate a joy and good humor that was infectious and uplifting for all in her presence.  As she battled her cancer, that glow dimmed noticeably, which I took to be an indication of the true magnitude of her challenges.  While she continued to eschew my attempts to support her as meaningfully as she had me, I decided to send her a note expressing my continuing commitment to and appreciation for her.  In part, it read:

 

But it's more than this, it's your warm, loving, caring presence, too.  Whenever you are in a room, the others who are so fortunate know that their well-being is being tended ever so quietly and reverently.  We know that you have our best interests at heart and are actively seeking to be loving in that most truly Christian way: you are so generous with your healing and uplifting spirit and yet you do so in such a self-effacing and almost retiring way that sometimes your touch is only appreciated upon reflection.  It's this soft but loving gift of spirit about which I marvel and for which I am so thankful.

I've never believed in angels, Joanie.  They're one of those mythological aspects of ancient Christianity that actually has tended to repel me rather than inspire me over the years.  Until now, that is.  Because now, in you, I see an angel in the flesh and know that God is (always) quietly present and loving and supportive because you are.  My faith has been so deepened by your example and I have been so inspired by you that I have come to know Christ more meaningfully through you and thereby been indescribably more blessed (in the midst of what, ostensibly, is one of the darkest times of my life).  I pray that you realize how much of a gift you truly are....

And she fought valiantly on, doing amazing work with and on behalf of her SET colleagues, even as it became increasingly challenging physically and emotionally.  In truth, I regret that I didn't insist on doing more with and for her during what turned out to be her last few months, but I allowed her to define the proximity of our relationship.  Even though I saw her deterioration with my own eyes, I couldn't quite accept this reality fully, in part because I'd come to assume that her quietly indomitable will would somehow create a last-minute miracle reprieve if not cure.

 

But she left us nonetheless, physically at least.  She will always be a part of us in spirit and in this way will live on through the lives she touched in her earthly life, expanded exponentially by the lives that these lives will touch in turn.  Even now, there are hundreds of people who either didn't know Joanie or barely knew her who owe her a debt of gratitude for the opportunities that she helped to create and from which they've benefited greatly.

And even more than this, she will live on in my life and spirit because she was truly an Angel Among Us.  I will always know and feel the presence of the Divine more intimately and more powerfully because of His/Her/Its manifestation in my life in the form of Joanie Collyer....

When she signed off an email, Joanie would close with "Blessings and Love," which, it turns out, is a fitting epitaph for her.  In her earthly life, Joanie Collyer was for those privileged to know her a true blessing and manifestation of God's Love.  So, to you, Joanie, I offer my own blessings and love as your journey continues in spiritual form and hope that you know just how much you have meant and will continue to mean to those of us enriched by the abundance of your spirit.  Thank you, too, for reminding us that there are indeed Angels Among Us, quiet but powerful (and fierce) leaders in our midst who encourage us to live more fully, love more boldly and broadly and be more of what the Good Lord created us to be.

And this, as far as I can tell, is the very embodiment (and legacy) of life well-lived, a life like that of the indomitably sweet and spiritual Anglican woman named Joanie Collyer....